Thursday, December 29, 2011

Top Unpleasing Facts About Women in Uganda

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I heard so many things about women but I do not think all of them are true, I think many people have not been fair in the way they judge women given the fact that these people are the reason why we all exist. However, a fact is fact, its real, and its true. Some of the unpleasant facts, I have heard about women include;

Fact number 1
By the time a woman clocks 40 she MUST have slept with 36 men. Oh no, that is so terrible. Some time I wish it was not a fact. It really scares me so much given the fact that my wife will also have slept with 36 men by the time she makes 40.


Fact number 2,

By the time a woman reaches 30, she must have aborted at least 5 times. I believe in that fact without hesitation. I know so many girls below 25 years who have already made more than 5 abortions. It really sounds awful but it is true, trust me.


Fact number 3,


By the time a woman makes 45, she MUST have consulted a witchdoctor; this is another fact about girls and women which I believe to be true. Women make themselves so desperate many times that they can do anything to save something. Women consult witchdoctors mostly for reasons like to save their marriages, to gain success and to find love. The bad side of it is that, those things do not work.


Fact number 4

This is the most factual fact about women; every woman must have seduced more than 1000 men by time she makes 50. I however believe that that number is so small, it should be somewhere above 5000 men. By seducing, I mean, every act a woman does to make a man feel some thing, be it lust, love or even infatuation.
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Saturday, November 5, 2011

Keep Your Husband In a Funny Way

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Hey, are you one of those women, or wives who would like to keep their husband, well, i know most all women would want it. But there are some who do not want to admit it.

Anyway, i have heard of a day care for husbands, you have got me right. Instead of taking your child to a day care. This works well for women who are workaholics and those who would like good time to relax


This time, you are going to take your husband, not your child to the day, see




Did you think i was lying, no, actually, i have spent years without doing so. No, you have a chance to keep your husband safe.

But, you should remember that i will not be responsible if your husband decides to admire or even do anything strange with the day care women.
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Friday, March 25, 2011

Loving a Woman with Kids

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I was hearing about men who bravely marry women who have kids. I could not understand it given the fact that there exist so many women. But let me tell you something, i fell into the same pit like the people i used not to understand.

You know, my wedding is in two months time, and i am going to wed this young beautiful girl, But wait a minute. She has two kids, she gave birth to her first kid when she was 17.

Many people are now asking me so many questions and many of them wonder whether our marriages will ever work. To be insecure, i sometimes fell insecure when i think abiut the father of the kids.

I love the 2 beautiful girls and i am ready to treat them as my own kids. I know it is going to be tough, but i am ready
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Friday, December 31, 2010

Twakowa is a Kiganda Word which means "We are Tired"

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1. Nkoye abantu abelaba mu mirror ya Cairo Bank. That’s not a dressing mirror (I’m fed up of people who check themselves out using the Cairo Bank wall pane. It’s not a dressing mirror).


2. Nakowa peeps that come to Facebook with studio pics in that ka Kampala village pose of crossing the legs and the arms on the laps with those bu Chinese river/stream backgrounds. Ain’t U photogenic enough? Why do U have to prepare for a photograph ... we want to see you in your natural self.

3. Twakowa all those that romance in taxis.

4. The way Sylvia Owori puts bu models in her glossy magazine and then adds “Top:85,000Ushs” when the top is 6k in the basement of Mutaasa Kafeero. Twakowa ababbi.

5. Twakowa NRM, MTN, NSSF, KIGGUNDU, MBABAZI, SEKIKUBO, KUTEESA, BODA BODA MU KAMPALA ne SEBAGGALA.

6. Sikaakyi naye enyimba ze ki protestant zikoya.....oba ku nyimbe oba mbaga oba Christmas....the same songs.....nebikusobela! (Why are Protestant hymns so boring and unvarying; the same songs are sung at funerals, weddings and in Christmas services. I’m fed up.)

7. Twakowa ebinigeria esp the scenes nga they are opening the gate for the car to come in. Ako ka part bwebakasalako movie tebelawo? (We are tired of Nigerian movies, especially the scene where the guards are opening the gate for cars to enter. Can’t the movie proceed if that part is cut out?)

8. Chicks with big feet. We even fail to buy you fitting shoes because we know females have small feet.

9. Old NRM politicians who have no retirement in their vocabulary! Maria Mutagamba,Sam Kutesa, Namirembe Bitamazire, Amama Mbabazi, Sevo etc. I’m so tired!

10. Radio presenters who pretend they can’t speak Luganda!!! Someone calls speaking Luganda and the fool answers in English..... Touch FM presenters style up. You should know better what the white man thinks of us.

11. Muslim names like Maimuna, Asirafu and Afuwa etc.

12. Twakowa the new 1k notes which get old quickly!!!

13. The word “Wolokoso” nakyo nkikoye. (I’m fed up of the word wolokoso.)

14. Nakowa people who are always telling me that I’m small. Munveko, (leave me alone) you think I want to have city tyres, drooling bums, legs like pestles, fresh diary and no neck. No thanks so keep the crap to yourself. Nakowa…

15. Twakowa all that stuff I hear mbu Hidden Passion, La Tormenta.... What the hell?

16. The guy seated behind me on a taxi is koyaring me with Ronald Mayinja’s ziki...kale ankoyeza nyo nyo (The guy behind me is tiring me with Ronald Mayinja’s music). A follow-up comment told her to buy her own car.

17. Twakowa writing nonsense. Can’t you guys write sense like twakowa bad roads instead of twakowa neighbours having sex in the morning, chicks who are ugly! If you are tired of ugly chicks on earth go to a planet of only beautiful gals...

18. Nkoye those bu girls who carry big handbags yet there is only a hankie n’ Shs700. Even abayaye (thieves) no longer snatch your ga-bags because they know.

19. Some dudes and babes be having like 1000+ buddies on Facebook, you might even think they are celebs and stuff but how come I don’t know them. I suppose they be sending friend requests to everyone and accepting each all day.

20. Twakowa Kahinda Otafiire. Mbu I have the capacity to start a war and stop it! Silly.

21. Nakowa bu emails mbu “if you do not send to nine people something bad will happen to simanyi “if you are not ashamed of Jesus send to 20 people.” Ebintu sibya kukaka (Don’t force people).

22. AAAAAAAAAGGNES NAAANDUTU NNNtv news, Tukoye.

23. The word is Love! What the hell is lv, luv, lov? Well, maybe better, I dunno! I feel like it is bicupuli (fake) love when it is misspelt! I Love English!!

24. Banange nkoye Ugandan wanabbe Rastafarians and artistes who speak silly Jamaican patois; it sucks....Kati Butchaman biki byeyayimba mu Inna De Dance? (What’s that Butchaman was singing ‘Inna De Dance’?) Silly nbakoye.

25. Twakowa abantu abalina ssente ezigula omwenge ogwa mitwalo kumi naye nga tebasobola kugula deodorant ya kanana! (I’m tired of men who spend over Shs100,000 in bars, but can’t sacrifice Shs8,000 to buy a deodorant.)

26. Nze nakowa bu fake chaps/chicks who go “outside countries” for two weeks & come back with heavier accents than the bazungus. Grow up u show offs!!!!

27. I’ve kukowad this chick who is ever borrowing my cousin’s charger. Since last semester, borrowing, borrowing, borrowing.... Even during the long holiday, she did not buy one but still keraz (comes early) at our door to borrow a charger. Ye oba yabaki (What’s wrong with her)?

28. Nakowa men with small, feminine voices... Bambi, it’s not your fault but still nakowa.


About the author
I got the Twakowa article through mail. It is hard to know the real author
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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Kids of My Neighbour (Even their Pictures)

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Well, i had nothing much to do and i decided to take photo's or if you want pictures of my neighbors kids. I do not think telling you the names of these kids in the pictures is important but what matters s that you now know the kids who leave next block.

But do you know what? one picture really amused, as the kid knew that women are not supposed to show some of their parts. She cleverly covered all the areas.



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Saturday, December 18, 2010

What if this guy is you In Law

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Well, if you are not a ugandan, you might fail to understand this, in Uganda, there is a former introduction attire depending on ones culture. When it comes to the wedding, many people have copied the western wedding gowns.

In Buganda and some other parts of Uganda, people wear the traditional Kanzu on introduction days and cover them with coats. Just like in the picture below, the white attire under the coat is the Kanzu.

However, there are some in laws who can be really so funny, anyway, i guess you can see the doctoring of the wedding picture below, but i have seen some real weddings where it is far beyond. Now, what if a guys like that come to your place to take you daughter?

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What if your Mother did not Teach you this...

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I saw this pictures and laughed, some times kids can be funny. But am sure most of you did some worse things when you where young. Ha ha, when you are young, you might not know that food is for eating and you jsut sit in it. Kids can be funny, that's why i like them. Enjoy this picture
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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Lust for Your Neigbours wife Can be Dangerous

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I perfect understand how it hurts to have a cheating wife, hey, i have never been married and i do not speak from experience, but i say this because i understand. I would not like it when my wife cheats, but for sure, it would hurt more if the guy is my neighbour.

Really  must be said, many guys are lusting for their neighbors wives, i think some men are naturally weak but i did not write this to bale any man.Actually women also have a case to answer. This makes me remember Dolly Parton's song "Just because I am a woman" where she told her husband that he also commits the same mistakes but they are over looked, yet her mistakes are dwelt upon just because she is a woman.

 Well, that "thing" has also been happening when it comes to adultery, people will always assume that it was the man who led the woman into the act. However, some times, neighbors wives also do all the tempting things in the world just to make men fall for them.

Yes, i had a neigbours wife who really tempted me, i have to promise you that i was strong and i resisted, but i have to confess that this woman was really hard at tempting. You see, some men are just week when it comes to seeing some parts of a woman, but this woman showed me all, not once, not twice, but often.

From that time, i came to know that when adultery sets in, its the woman to blame.
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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

4 Reasons why I am not going to marry my girl friend

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It is too bad that i have to change my wedding plans. if you can remember well,  i had written here that my wedding will be held in March 2011. I did not lie to you but i have just changed my mind, I do not think the girl i have is the right one. Below are the reasons why i am canceling the wedding.

Short Tempered
This woman short tempered, as you know me,  i am one of those people who are very soft, i cant let my self fall into the hands of this woman who will make her self the boss in the house.

Lack of respect
This girl  gives me no respect at all, some thing i would need from my wife, she even hangs up on me several times. For sure hanging up on me makes me sick and she is good at it. I want a woman, i mean a wife who will treat me like a  husband.

Gold digger
This girl friend of mine is good at taking money. Can you imagine, she even gave me a condition to build a house for her mother and bother before we marry. She really needs money.

Beauty
This girl is one of the most beautiful girls in Uganda if she is not the most beautiful,  i feel unsecure when am with her. i do not mind if you call me a coward but am not ready to die with jealousy. even when  i a m moving with her, men do not fear to comment in my presence. Her beauty is too much for me to handle
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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I Will Marry Lady Gaga

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I am not so much into music but i have to confess that i know Lady Gaga. I am one of those people who can not tell you who sung which song and which singer sings better. I have so many other things which take my time than hearing gossip about which musician is preganant or cheatyed on the wife. However, even though iam that grean about music, i at least know Lady Gaga.

Well, i only came to know about her recently when i read somewhere i do not remember that she was ahead of president Barack Obama when it comes to facebook rankings. Thats when i first heard about her name, anywhere, i guess no one came to know about her long time ago since the girl is barely 24. I got interested in knowing which woman could be more followed than a US president.


So, I embarked on the journey to search for Lady Gaga, that's when i discovered that woman i was beginning to fall in love with wears wired clothes, i do not know whether she puts on clothes all the time because many times, it seems like she wears metallic material.

I said to my self, i will marry Lady Gaga, it looked like my dream was coming true until i found out that she has a boyfriend Luc Car, and that they has a commitment ceremony in Greece. I was heart broken but not taken down, you see, those celebrity never settle in relationships, i know that one day she will be free again and i will pose by her side. As for now, i wish Lady Gaga a happy love until she separates with her boyfriend. And i will marry Lady Gaga.
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